Car Wreck

Uncertainty

So several weeks ago, more than a month in fact I went up to Mizzou to apply for an Army ROTC scholarship. After being told that I had a very competitive application I was told they would make their choice by the 26th of Jan....Needless to say, it's been more than a month. My prayers were always for God to close the door if I wasn't supposed to go the way of Army. But to keep the door open and let everything go smoothly if I was. After thinking that too much time had passed and a settled spirit about not doing the ROTC program, I have received a letter. I am approved for the Army ROTC 4 year scholarship. If I so choose to except I will, starting my sophomore year, be obligated to serve 8 years after I graduate. 4 years active duty, and 4 non-active. I've told people I thought this a good idea because nowadays I would build many student loans up and take several years to pay them off. Or I could go the way of the Army, have all my tuition paid for, and have a job as soon as I graduate. The issue is still convincing myself of that.
As soon as I opened the letter and found to my suprise that I was accepted I thought, I'll fast all day tomorrow and really settle down and pray about it, making sure it's God's will.....One problem with that. Many times, although most people don't realize it, prayer can be a hinderance. It can get in the way when God has already told you yes. It acts as a blockade.(I'll elaborate if anyone would like) Many times we're wanting God to lay everything out for us to see, to know everything before we take a step forward. Most of the time God wants us to step out not knowing everything, and in that initial moment we're relying entirely on Him.
I'm willing to step forward. Nervously yet calm I plan to attend Westminster on a Army ROTC 4 year scholarship. You could say, "I'm stepping with certainty into the uncertain."

Quotes w/Mom

Mom: "Stephan, do you want some salad?"
Me: "Salad? What in the world are you talking about?!"
Me: @Dad: "I think mom's got the food pyramid all messed up."
Dad: "Yeah?"
Me: "Meat is on top, followed by sugar and salt. After that, meat, meat, meat, styrofoam, and finally 'vegetables, as few a possible'"
Mom: "Well you know in the Bible Daniel ate vegetables.."
Me: "AND LOOK where it got him! He was thrown into the lion's den!"
Mom: "He didn't get eaten though"
Me: "OF COURSE NOT, all he had been eating was vegetables!"

Quotes w/Dad

Me: @ mom, "I'm pretty sure dad is the one who did it."
Dad: "What are we talking about?"
Me: "Not much, I'm just blaming you for something that you have no knowledge about."
Dad: "Gee, thanks. What are dads good for after all I guess..."
Me: "Taking the fall for their sons no doubt. It's repayment after all."
Dad: "Oh, how so?"
Me: "Well we had a pretty big fall from the tree. Newton wasn't kind to us at all."

Mystery

I'm sitting at the computer right now. I'm sure some of you were able to come to that conclusion fairly well. Others, well you know who you are..

Anyway, maybe this post will actually receive some comments because of it's topic. You see right now, I have this weird feelings. I don't know how to explain it, but it just feels like it's going to tear me in half. I've been feeling this way for the better part of the afternoon and evening and don't know what's causing it, or how to get rid of it. I don't even know if I want to get rid of it. All I know is that it feels like I'm missing something, something key. It's like a mix between being pulled, and a longing or pining for something. I have an idea as I write this, what it might be, but I'd like to know what you; my rare, and select readers, think it is. Do any of you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever had such a feeling, or one you think is similar? What were you doing that it happened to you, and how did you resolve it? Did you just ignore it the best you could and let it dismiss itself, or was there something that helped?

If any of you see me in the next couple of days, I might be torn in two. But maybe that's it. Two, two sides of me. Could it be that? There are so many different opposing pairs out there. Could one of them explain what I'm feeling? Yen and Yang, Good and Evil, Flesh and Spirit.

Oh for an ounce of insight, or maybe a liter. Any would be nice. (yes I'm aware that I changed units 'ounce' to 'liter')

Christmas Break

The semester is finally over and I'm sure most of us agree; we're glad for Christmas break. It's a time of get-to-gethers and running around. Many of us will be going on vacation to visit family, others spending time shopping. However this is the time of year that many Christians are constantly reminded about making sure we don't forget what this season is really about. Jesus Christ and his birth. We will hear this message from our pastors on Sunday morning, we will hear it from Christmas Eve services. We'll hear it from Christmas musicals/plays. Being told time after time seems to make the message redundant. Why is it that everytime we sit and are told this message we hear, but don't listen? Do any of us purposefully dictate our time in any way to praise and thank our God? Do we prioritize our schedule so that we make sure to turn our eyes to our heavenly Father? How many of us actually listen to what's being said and make a concious decision to dedicate some of our "precious" Christmas break? This Christmas I'm going to make changes. I can only hope and pray that you will as well make this time about Christ. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Sooner Saturday

So this past Saturday I went to the OU sponsored "Sooner Saturday." This is where a prospective highschool senior goes to find out what OU offers. Throughout the entire day he get to tour everything from the rooms to the cafeteria and everything in between. I went around and visited the Army ROTC (reserve officer training core) I talked with a Captain there, and that was slightly helpful. He invited me to come out and see and maybe partake in the drilling they go through. Just to see if I like it. He also said I could try out some of their other stuff. I.e. Paintball. Honestly I think that'd be great. Get to play paintball with Army officers.

Besides that I visited the Health and Science building. During that time I went down to a certain field, I don't remember the name of it right now, but I had my body fat percentage measured. Somehow at the end of that test the guy in charge asked if I wanted to do this semi-regularly. I asked what I'd be doing, and he said basically I'd have my bone density measured and bfp (body fat percentage) measured, because during htis time most guys testorone levels rise and they're able to put on mass and muscle more easily. I'd would also be running basically until my legs gave out. The purpose of that would be seeing how good my endurance and lung capacity is. Also how good of shape I'm in. In other words people, I have reached my life's goal. I am offically a lab rat! W00T!!!

I still don't really know where I'm going to college. I've been told by some people that I better not go out of state, but honestly if that's where God wants me to go then I figure I'd better.

Hasta

bleh

So my thoughts are jumbled and I don't really feel like blogging but I'll put a few quotes that have provoked some thought.

Esse quam videri
(To be, rather than to appear)

No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth.
-Nathaniel Hawthorne

These two quotes remind of the song by Switchfoot, "Are you who you wanna be?"
Better yet are you who God wants you to be?
As Frederick Buechner says,

"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

Have you found what God wants you to be? What you enjoy doing? What you're good at? Those questions remind me of a story I heard about a body builder. He was standing before a judge and flexed. To which the judge replied non-chalantly, "what do you use all those muscles for?" The body builder looked confused, but decided the judge must not have realized, so he flexed a magnifient pose again, and the crowd roared. But again the judge spoke, "I see all the muscle and it's alot, but what do you use it for? Three times he asked this question, the body builder had no idea what he used it for.
I find that this story is trying to get people to realize what their talents are, what skills they have, and then find how they can best utilize it. After all God has made each and everyone of us special, and do we not have a specific purpose that God made us for? Aren't we each a part of the body of Christ?
So in ending, Are you who you want to be? Are you the person God means for you to be? I know it's a struggle to find out, but isn't it worth it to find your place? Bruce Cockburn said it perfectly.

"Nothing, nothing, worth having comes without some kind of fight.

Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Be uplifted and make a change in your life.

Reviving

ahh finally it's good to be back. For those of you who thought my site was an DNRO then you didn't really know me. Anywho I'm back now I believe. (we'll see if it's true in the next couple of weeks)

Update time.

Choir tour was awesome, though I heard giggling and the word "cute" too many times thanks to all the freshman and second year freshman. We went to L.A. and San Diego, which included Disney Land and Universal Studios. We also went to the USMC (United States Marine Core) that was awesome!
Got back from tour and had a couple of weeks of relaxation and then went and paged at the capitol for Sen. Cal Hobson. I enjoyed that entire experience and I think everyone should do it at least once. Since I didn't want to commute I stayed up at the capitol at Amerisuites with Dustin M. I came home on Friday afternoon, packed and played games with Dustin.
First thing the next morning we headed out to Boys State, which is located at NEO in Miami, Oklahoma. That is another experience everyone should try. As long as you participate you'll have fun. At boys state there is something that everyone does. and that is....Marching! Whether we're going to class, chow hall,(meals) or flag raising we march. While marching we sing cadences or aka "jodies." Jodies are rhymes that everyone sings/shouts at the same time to help keep in time. I'll list a couple right now. Schulenberg so you know is the city I was a part of.

Stay in step now stay in time
Walk with purpose march with pride
We know it's hot we know it's dry
But always hold our head up high
Schulenberg has got the stuff
We won't back down we will not bluff


God bless all the men who died
As we march we hold their pride
We are here to honor you
Will keep old Glory flying true

(Last but not least, one of my personal favorites.)
I wish I was back on the block
But now I'm out here stompin rock
Good ole' seargent made us march
Til' our moves are crisp with starch
Schulenberg's the place to be
We do it right so follow me
You know that we will be on top
Schulenberg pride won't let us stop.

The third rhyme was originally "Haven't seen a girl in days
Cept the one washing trays"
But we changed because another city accused us of basing it off one of theirs.

The deal with that verse is that on the second day you realize something. There is not a single girl there. There was one that worked there at lunch. That was it. Ergo that rhyme was created.

Anyway that's over now, and it's back to life at home. This Summer is still filled with many things some of which I'll go over.
1. my mom's has checked out the SWCA football team. That's right football, for me to play on. Insane huh?
2. There are multiple volleyball camps I'm considering
3. I'm almost positive that I'm going to start another job, and depending if I like it, I'll turn in my 2 weeks notice at my other job.
4. My brother is going to teach me Trig over the summer on Monday and Thursday nights
5. I'm checking into colleges like everyone else, except one key thing is what ROTC branches they have. It's almost entirely certain that I'm going to join some form of Military. I'm leaning towards Air Force, and Marines. Both of them are good.

If all of you could keep me in your prayers, that God give me wisdom, discernment, and ears to hear His plans for me I'd appreciate it. I'll try and keep you all uptodate. Thank you much, and I'll write more later.

Offerings

First off this is not someothing that I have written. I actually found this online and thought it to be insightful and possibly helpful to many people. I was wanting to post something with meaning, but am failing to come up with something myself. So enjoy and please take heed.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering.(Romans 12:1)

When you think about an offering, what do you think about? I know that I tend to think about finding some money that I don't have or some sacrifice, again of something that I really don't have.

But that is one of the cool things about this verse. God is saying take your ordinary life - yeh - the one that you live. And then Eugene Peterson paints a picture of what this could mean for us. The thing that I think is great is that so often we go through the routines of these things and forget to place these parts of our lives before God. These parts are just as important as the others.

Another thing that I think is interesting is the phrase "with God's help." The reason I think this is interesting is that most of us don't need any help to go through our day to day grind. Ah yes, but we surely do. Isn't it in the daily grind that every aspect of our lives take place. The times of rest and relaxation come few and far between. And when they do come, for most of us it is "our" time - not time to offer a sacrifice to God.

I am challenged by this verse to look for ways in my daily grind to offer my life to God, every part as an offering to God. What do you think this could look like in real life?

Definition Of Sin

Sin is, "Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your concience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off the relish of spitiual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.

That is Mrs. Wesley's definition of sin to her son John Wesley.

Anne Graham

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Brave Saint Saturn

Album: So Far From Home
Song: Shadow Of Def

Now sit right back as I bust a "rhyme",
I've got the "freshest" beats and I'm always on time,
I'm the baddest of the best,
Yeah I'm the king.
Master of beats and the cross-fader,
I'll cut off your hand just like Darth Vader,
You step to me and you're gonna get "dissed"" homeboy".
Come into my "crib",
Maybe we could "chill",
I might "cap" somebody,
Or kick 'em in the "grill".

Chorus
I'm the "DJ" he's the "rapper",
And the "homeboys" try to step,
I'm the "DJ" he's the "rapper",
In the valley of the shadow of "def".

Yo. Yo, "homeboys" come and "homeboys" go,
But I still kick the "Latin Lingo",
Mi Espanol es no mui bueno.
I'm "stone cold rhymin' "and "spinnin' "on the "wax",
I give the old ladies heart attacks,
'cause I'm "fresh" and "dope" and I'm "dissin' wac MC'S".
I've got all my teeth capped,
Chains to show my wealth,
And I "check myself,
Before I wreck myself."

Well my name is Frankie T, and I'm here to "talk",
About the meaning of Five Minute Walk.
Some say its "wac",
Some say it's "ill",
Myself, "homeboy", thinks it's pretty "chill".
Turn off the TV,
Put down the phone,
Go talk to "JC" and be alone.
Talk to him five minutes a day,
He won't "wig out" or "give you play",
He will not "dis" you in the end,
In fact "JC's" my "freshest" friend.

Short Post

This is going to be an exceedingly short post. Basically it's for me to show that I'm still alive, and just to let some of you ponder.

"Your as only as close to God as you dare to be."

Sometimes I only dare to get so close, I'm afraid of getting nearer to God. And I think that many times people only want to be so near to him. (I might add on more thoughts about this later, once I get more insight, and think about it more.)
Your thoughts are appreciated

Prayer/predicament

So my brother and I are in Texas, pretty close to Dallas. We're playing at a wedding tomorrow night, and tonight we had a dress rehearsal. First off it's an outdoor wedding, and I now know that I'm not ever going to do one again. It's beautiful weather, except there's just a bit too much wind. So the pages are being blown over. If I use clips to keep it from flipping, then I can't turn the pages. Anyway. Rehearsal is over, Frederick and I got compliments from everyone. The bride said, "I knew it was going to sound good you guys, but I didn't think it was going to be this good." And that right there is a really nice complement.
We're at the hotel right now, and my mom is still with my dad, back in Norman now, and Frederick called them up. And as he was talking he finds out from my mom that at OU the conductor for the symphony as well as my teacher, don't think that the harpist can carry their own weight. So they're both wanting to know if I can start playing with the symphony again. Now this is a wonderful opportunity, however, I was going to drop harp ensemble, and stop almost all of the extra curricular activities. But my harp teacher says that she would much more prefer for me to play in the symphony, instead of the ensemble. I would agree with that.
The symphony, it is a wonderful blessing, but I don't know if I need, want, or have the time to take it. It meets every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, from 12:30 to 2:30 or 3. So it would take a considerable amount of time up. So I'd like to just ask all of you guys to pray for me, for God to let me know if I should do this or not.
While on the phone, my brother also related the imformation from my mom to me, about how my teacher Gaye LeBlanc, has said that if I were to get a BMA, I think it stands for Bachelor of music arts. That I would be able to recieve a FULL ride to OU!
That is a blessing, my word is it a blessing.
But there are several other things that are in play here. First I didn't really want to major in harp, nor did I really want to go to OU. I mean I would love to go to OU if it were someplace else, because I don't want to stay home. I need to be able to learn my life lessons, and struggle, and survive on my own. And if I were to go to OU, then I would probably stay at home. Most likely going to any other colleges would require for me to join the ROTC, (I think it stands for Reserve Officer Training Core, or Center) In other words I would train, and basically be a reserve. I don't know if that is God's calling on my life. The other way for me to pay for college would be scholarships through volleyball or harp. For volleyball I would really have to improve considerably. But I don't think I'm really tall enough for volleyball. That may come as a suprise to alot of you because you think I'm pretty tall. But most of the guys that they recruit at Ball State University are more around the height of 6.6. or 6.7. But I don't know. For harp, I'm almost entirely certain that I have to be a major for me to get any scholarships.
So now most of you are up to date on what's going on in my life. Sorry for how long this post is, and thanks to all of you who took the time to read this.
So there are two things I would just like for all of you to pray for.
1. What God is planning for my life, and what he wants me to do.
2. For my dad, he's been moved down to Norman, now, and they changed his medication, so his cognative skills are returning. (he was having trouble comprehending things while on the morphine)
Thank you all again for your prayers. In Him, Stephan

Scripture

Alright! I finally came up with a topic for a good post. The idea came when a friend of mine asked what is a good way to deal with temptation. That question is going to be the basis of this post.
I gave two ways, 1. Pray for strength from God. Most people would see that as a good start. But where it becomes more difficult is number 2. For the 2nd way, I said memorizing scripture, now I'm sure that most of you will agree it's difficult to take the time. But the usefulness is so abundant. Memorizing scripture especially verses dealing with what your fighting against will greatly aid you. The Bible says " For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12) 2 Timothy also says " All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word." Psalms 119:9 There you have it people, take up your sword, because that's what gift God has given us to battle temptation with.

Now all of you read that, please oh please do pester me constantly to make sure that I'm doing what I've written, because I don't want to be a hypocrite.

And don't worry I'm not going to leave you guys with just "memorize," there are ways of making it easier. However I don't have the time to write it all down, so here are a couple of links.
http://www.geocities.com/johndavidmueller/Scripture_Memory.html
http://www.fbcdurham.org/writings/Scripmem.htm

I hope this blesses you all!

BACK!

Hello all, as some of you have learned I am back. OSAI was very enjoyable, but draining. Each day I carted the harp about a mile a day. The bridge over to rehearsal was around a quarter of a mile for one thing. I made lots of new friends, and learned gobs and gobs of new things. (gobs, now there's a good word) Anywho, The conductor for the first week was quite interesting, exuberant or eccentric might be words used to describe him. And he wanted everything over tempo, which was difficult for me. However he was a really cool guy. Right before he left he started playing cards with several people including me. We decided to teach him how to play Mau. In case anyone doesn't know what that game is here are the Guidelines:
1- No discussing the rules
2- It's alot like Uno (hint hint)
3- If you win then you get to make a new rule.
Suprisingly enough he really started to pick it up quickly.
Here's some more pics of some of my new friends.



from left to right it's: Kelsey, Cari, Another girl ( I don't remember her name!) then Carl.
The guy in the next picture is John. he's 15. We were talking about making a shirt for tall people. titled "F.A.Q" (frequently asked questions)
1. "Wow! How tall are you?"
2. "Do you play basketball?"
3. "Why Not?"

Anyway that's all for now about camp. God Bless and I'll post again later. In Him, Stephan

p.s. If that last post got 30 comments, and it wasn't even me, then I'm going to be dissapointed if I don't get at least thaton this post.

Ninja!

Muhahaha!! The Crusades have begun! I, David, now hereby claim this blog as my own! Surrender all your comments to me, infidels!

Yes that is right, your favorite McKee blog has been hacked! My ninja-hacker services are for hire, just go here and leave a comment if you want a job done.

--This is not a joke, this is completely for real--

David Pic

This is David trying to dodge me taking a pic of him, but to no avail, I have a picture of David. Nonetheless in a tux