Uncertainty

So several weeks ago, more than a month in fact I went up to Mizzou to apply for an Army ROTC scholarship. After being told that I had a very competitive application I was told they would make their choice by the 26th of Jan....Needless to say, it's been more than a month. My prayers were always for God to close the door if I wasn't supposed to go the way of Army. But to keep the door open and let everything go smoothly if I was. After thinking that too much time had passed and a settled spirit about not doing the ROTC program, I have received a letter. I am approved for the Army ROTC 4 year scholarship. If I so choose to except I will, starting my sophomore year, be obligated to serve 8 years after I graduate. 4 years active duty, and 4 non-active. I've told people I thought this a good idea because nowadays I would build many student loans up and take several years to pay them off. Or I could go the way of the Army, have all my tuition paid for, and have a job as soon as I graduate. The issue is still convincing myself of that.
As soon as I opened the letter and found to my suprise that I was accepted I thought, I'll fast all day tomorrow and really settle down and pray about it, making sure it's God's will.....One problem with that. Many times, although most people don't realize it, prayer can be a hinderance. It can get in the way when God has already told you yes. It acts as a blockade.(I'll elaborate if anyone would like) Many times we're wanting God to lay everything out for us to see, to know everything before we take a step forward. Most of the time God wants us to step out not knowing everything, and in that initial moment we're relying entirely on Him.
I'm willing to step forward. Nervously yet calm I plan to attend Westminster on a Army ROTC 4 year scholarship. You could say, "I'm stepping with certainty into the uncertain."

Quotes w/Mom

Mom: "Stephan, do you want some salad?"
Me: "Salad? What in the world are you talking about?!"
Me: @Dad: "I think mom's got the food pyramid all messed up."
Dad: "Yeah?"
Me: "Meat is on top, followed by sugar and salt. After that, meat, meat, meat, styrofoam, and finally 'vegetables, as few a possible'"
Mom: "Well you know in the Bible Daniel ate vegetables.."
Me: "AND LOOK where it got him! He was thrown into the lion's den!"
Mom: "He didn't get eaten though"
Me: "OF COURSE NOT, all he had been eating was vegetables!"

Quotes w/Dad

Me: @ mom, "I'm pretty sure dad is the one who did it."
Dad: "What are we talking about?"
Me: "Not much, I'm just blaming you for something that you have no knowledge about."
Dad: "Gee, thanks. What are dads good for after all I guess..."
Me: "Taking the fall for their sons no doubt. It's repayment after all."
Dad: "Oh, how so?"
Me: "Well we had a pretty big fall from the tree. Newton wasn't kind to us at all."

Mystery

I'm sitting at the computer right now. I'm sure some of you were able to come to that conclusion fairly well. Others, well you know who you are..

Anyway, maybe this post will actually receive some comments because of it's topic. You see right now, I have this weird feelings. I don't know how to explain it, but it just feels like it's going to tear me in half. I've been feeling this way for the better part of the afternoon and evening and don't know what's causing it, or how to get rid of it. I don't even know if I want to get rid of it. All I know is that it feels like I'm missing something, something key. It's like a mix between being pulled, and a longing or pining for something. I have an idea as I write this, what it might be, but I'd like to know what you; my rare, and select readers, think it is. Do any of you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever had such a feeling, or one you think is similar? What were you doing that it happened to you, and how did you resolve it? Did you just ignore it the best you could and let it dismiss itself, or was there something that helped?

If any of you see me in the next couple of days, I might be torn in two. But maybe that's it. Two, two sides of me. Could it be that? There are so many different opposing pairs out there. Could one of them explain what I'm feeling? Yen and Yang, Good and Evil, Flesh and Spirit.

Oh for an ounce of insight, or maybe a liter. Any would be nice. (yes I'm aware that I changed units 'ounce' to 'liter')